Here are the best Chuck Norris jokes to keep in your back pocket, so you can try to top your friends the next time the subject of Chuck comes up.
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, ‘Two seconds till.’ After you ask, ‘Two seconds to what?’ he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris appeared in the ‘Street Fighter II’ video game but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Chuck Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Chuck Norris.
On the 7th day, God rested … Chuck Norris took over.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Some kids pee their names in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters. Because not even glass is dumb enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.